I want to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!
Now the Airing of Grievances:
Boomers – No one cares about cursive writing, stick shift transmissions and geometry unless they’re studying math. Also it’s great that you were only paid $1.85 an hour at your first job in 1964. Since you love geometry so much, do the math and realize what that is almost 50 years later and quit being a Todd or Karen to some 20-something at Applebee’s after church.
Gen Xers – Waaahh! Waaaah!! We don’t care. Waaaaah! That’s been you’re whole mantra since Kurt Cobain killed himself (wink-wink). You had the opportunity to shake things up in the late 1990s and early 2000s and all you cared about was 1980s pop culture. Dammit, God gave you had Seth MacFarlane to do all that. Now, you’re mad that the Millennials and Gen Zers have usurped your goals. And FFS, research Socialism vs. Communism. Most of you were still playing pocket pool with the Sears catalog to care about the Berlin Wall.
Millennials – What the hell is up with Hard Seltzer? You gave us Justin Bieber and Macklemore. Considering you’re the one being most screwed over by student debt, horrible bosses and crappy health insurance, there’s not much more to complain about without kicking you while you’re down. And how most of you are embracing Socialism and exposing all the toxic/abusive environments your parents, I’m proud. But the whole man-bun thing is unforgivable.
Gen Zers – Stop doing TikTok all the time and go out and do more. Thanks for embracing more inclusiveness and body positive images. But I do have some complaints with these nose things. What the hell is that? And what’s this fascination with your ass? Everyone is wearing tight pants and doing exercises to blast your glutes.
Republicans – Your party is dying because you embraced racism, misogyny and dictatorships. You’re also working only for rich corporations and crooked religious charlatans. And Biden won. “Let’s Go Brandon!” is foolish. Also, get the jab!
Democrats– Stop being nice! You have Millennials and Gen Zers who hate Republicans. The world is yours. Give Republicans some payback! Mitch McConnell will die some day. You think Lindsey Graham will replace him! Cancel student debt and pass voting rights! Stack the SCOTUS too.
Hollywood – Jesus Christ! How many sexual predators do you have? It seems every week, if not every damn day, a celebrity is accused of sexual harassment or sexual assault. And get rid of Mel Gibson! He’s now looking like the crazy uncle motherfucker he should be. Why is he still being allowed to work?! And stop rebooting or remaking everything. Choose some new ideas! Not everything has to be a blockbuster. Let young and upcoming directors, actors and writers do more smaller movies. Stop Simple Jacks! Hire people with developmental disabilities! No one wants to see another person dying of cancer in the middle of a pandemic.
Zane Says 