Earlier this week, I discovered that my disability hearing, the second one in four years had come back with an unfavorable decision. I’ve been trying to get my disability for five years now. Each day, I feel my body growing weaker and this week has been a hard one.
On Tuesday, I could barely make it to the kitchen and back to get some breakfast and while I knew I wasn’t going to be able to go swimming I still had to go run a few errands. It took me some time just to change my clothes so I could leave. Despite this, some disability judge still believes that there are still a few hypothetical jobs that I can get that are readily available.
Even after I got through and came home after being gone only two hours, I was exhausted and found myself having to take an afternoon nap. I could never fall asleep like some old man at a holiday family dinner but these past few months have taken their toll on me, mentally, physically and emotionally.
I don’t want to comment anymore on my case, just that I’m going to get it appealed as I work with my lawyer. But I’m going to say if it gets denied on appeal, I’ll probably have to start over. And I probably won’t know until 2025, so that’s six years for nothing. Of course, people say something would come out of it. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes, nothing makes any sense in a situation.
The theory of American Exceptionalism, which I’ve never cared for, is the foolish belief that all bad things happened for a good reason. This comes a few days after the 124th anniversary of women getting the right to vote. Some would say oppressing women for half of this country’s history was necessary because they learned the value of voting. But that’s not the case. Men didn’t want women to vote. Men didn’t want poor men to vote. If you didn’t own land or have some type of social standing, you didn’t matter.
It’s still the same when you think of it. People judge each other based on how much money they have or how much wealth and material possessions they have. And they view people who disabilities as lazy unless we can become some “SuperCrip” to overcome the odds like some bullshit feel-good TV movie.
Bad things happen and we don’t learn from them because there’s nothing to learn. My late girlfriend and I met at 14 and didn’t get serious until 41 when we admitted we both liked each other. Then, the Covid-19 pandemic happened and she had health problems that later led to her death on Feb. 3, 2022. She was only 43. It’s not supposed to make sense. Nor the fact that it happened two years after my previous relationship of near 18 years ended when my ex left on Feb. 3. It was also the same day that I slipped on some ice and hurt my back back in 2011.
My cat, BeeBee, just died on July 30, one day shy of the four years my oldest cat, Pookie, died on July 31. It doesn’t make any sense. My brother and brother-in-law got married today. While they were celebrating the happiest day of their lives, I watching another cat, Baby Kitty, die. I couldn’t go to the wedding because I wasn’t feeling well and some other reasons. Later, a lot of people got Covid. Was it a good thing or a bad thing?
There’s no sense to be made. And anyone who says so is just trying to be sympathetic when they’re really not because it doesn’t affect them directly or indirectly. You can’t chalk it up to experience. What people really mean when they say, “It is what it is,” is that “Bad things have happened. We could have changed it but other people don’t want it to.” It’s the world we live in where people will put a $20 or even a $100 bill in the collection plate at church and then stiff the waiter at the restaurant they eat at who still making chump change as their salary.
The lesson learned is there is no lesson to learn.
What do you think? Please comment.
Zane Says 