The other day, I commented on a social media post of someone I grew up with. Maybe I’m a little too unfamiliar with the formalities about sending DMs but unless you are saying anything vulgar or disrespectful, why should it matter? Anyway, she said that she was not interested and to stop sending her DMs. Just for the record, this was only the third time in two years.
As usual, most guys have been treated this way. A lot of the times it might be warranted. But other times it isn’t. Yet, how is a woman to know. To be honest, if you post anything on social media, you’re looking for attention. I don’t care what your intent is, you got to roll the dice and take what happens. The New York City Portal was briefly shut down because of inappropriate interactions between New Yorkers and those in Dublin. I’m part Irish but if you’re looking for pleasantries, don’t be surprised when you don’t get it from New Yorkers and Dubliners.
I didn’t respond because I wasn’t interested either. This person has had some rough times and I thought reaching out and wishing someone a nice Memorial Day weekend was a kind gesture. I was wrong. But unfortunately, that’s happened to a lot of us. I’m no Saint by far but I’m no criminal or creep. I may like raunchy comedies and share silly suggestive memes, but I don’t hang around parks for hours and I don’t do cat calls or wolf whistles anytime I see a member of the opposite sex.
The sad part is women have been cat called and wolf whistled. They’ve had to endure it more. They say one of three women have been sexually assaulted. But I’m almost certain it’s closer to one out of two. Some women just don’t report it. Some don’t want to because of the embarrassment. Others don’t because it was someone close to them, either a family member, neighbor, or one of the cool kids from school.
I’ve often thought how many of the young women I went to school with were sexually assaulted or harassed by a jock or one of the preppies but didn’t say anything because it would hurt their social standing. High school is one of the most fucked up places for people to associate. It’s one of the few places outside prison that you’re basically forced to be around people who you don’t like and they don’t like you. But they may make your life worse.
I mean, I still talk to my ex because we were together so long, we just couldn’t cut each other off completely. After my girlfriend Kerry died, I talked with her for one hour. But some relationship break-ups aren’t as amicable. Yet, here you are stuck in a classroom five days a week sitting next or near someone you just can’t stand. It’s even worse if you’ve had sex or didn’t have sex, which led to the break-up. I don’t really think that school officials consider nor do they really care of the mentality that can have on young people to basically have to interact with someone you personally can’t get along with for very serious reasons.
I guess that’s one of the reasons I never really dated much in middle school or high school. I mean it doesn’t really get serious until you can actually start doing things together other than sitting together at lunch time and holding hands. And by doing things I mean going places and hanging out even if you do have to keep the bedroom doors open.
But there was another reason – I wasn’t part of the cool kids. I mean I wasn’t a total geek or nerd. I was just one of those people who never really wanted to be popular but never really wanted to be the oddballs. I was in band, did drama, and also journalism. I was in the gifted programs and honor classes. I was given a Ford Taurus to drive when I was 16 but it was mostly on its last leg. It had so many problems that when my older brother drove it, he called it the “Turd Mobile.” It was brown and it was a Ford POS, I’ll admit that.
I didn’t really have the time nor the money to date. I just barely got an allowance to help out in between summer jobs and whatever money I was able to get from Christmas and birthday gifts. I’m all for women’s rights but even in 2024, there still is a belief that the men have to pay for a lot. And most women, if they’re 16 or 66 aren’t going to put up with a partner who doesn’t have money. There’s always that one deadbeat out there who is looking for someone to always cover the bills. I call them Federlines.
And that’s the problem, the Federlines always know what to say and how to treat their “partners” to get what they want. And then when they realize the well has tapped dry, they leave. Sometimes they are also Timberlakes. I consider Timberlakes to be the ones who have a good thing and toy with young women leaving them screwed over because they’re just not ready. Usually a Timberlake will knock someone up giving her the “If you love me, I shouldn’t need to wear a condom” line.
Timberlakes also cheat on their partners no matter who it is. Look at Brad Pitt cheating on Jennifer Aniston with Angelina Jolie or Ryan Reynolds dumping Scarlett Johansson for Blake Lively. While I’m sure Reynolds and Lively are a great couple, you have to wonder what was it about ScarJo that Reynolds didn’t like? Maybe it was because Reynolds changed from the geeky kid from Fifteen to an actual handsome adult. I mean, Google him as a teen. His hairstyles make him look like the poster boy for birth control.
And yes, Pitt had bad hair too when he was a child, but Jolie over Aniston?Aniston is the perfect woman you want as a partner. Jolie is the crazy sex freak you’re involved in during your 20s before you calm down. Seeing how all their drama has played out for the last 20 years, maybe a lot of people, themselves, are glad they are single and alone.
A lot of young women like Britney Spears don’t realize until their 30s that finding a good man is a difficult and painful process. There’s a lot of trial and error and a lot of pain, grief and suffering. Most young men just want to have sex. Either that or they’re old fashioned and they’re looking for an extension of their mother. That’s why Harrison Butker is the way he is. There are many men in their 20s who think just like him. And sadly, there are many young women married to people like him but who don’t get a nice paycheck from the Kansas City Chiefs.
There are too many women who live in small-town America or rural areas whose lives are already chosen for them before they’re going through puberty. They just don’t know it yet. Women couldn’t get credit cards in their names until the mid-1970s. They couldn’t get business loans from banks without a man as co-signer until 1988. Even before Roe v. Wade was overturned, some women couldn’t get tubal ligation without the approval of their husbands/partners. And if they were single, some were told, “Well, you might meet someone years later who will want to have a kid.”
I guess this hypothetical husband/partner comes from the same place where the Job Store is where all the Boomers think you can just walk in and get any job you want.
Sadly, most young women don’t find out until it’s too late that they’ve chose the wrong man. I know it’s a fantasy a lot of people have drilled into their heads that they’re going to marry their high school sweethearts, raise a family and live happily ever after. But it rarely happens. And it’s happening a lot less here lately. Why don’t we consider the possibility that most men and women from decades ago “settled” for their spouses.
Marriage in the traditional sense was really a business deal. And still women choose the man who has more money and social standing over their true love. Hate on King Charles III all you like and he deserves a lot of it, but even the odds were against him when he wanted to be with Camilla Parker Bowles, now just Queen Camilla. It’s been over 30 years since Charles and Diana Spencer divorced. Their marriage was just a business deal, an arrangement because someone a long, long time ago said a prince has to marry a woman born to nobility.
The same can be said of many people still today. Young women think they’re going to get the man of their dreams and he’s a little rustic at first. But they lie to themselves saying he’ll grow up. It won’t happen. I’m not going to say who they are but I know two women who realized the hard way that some men never grow up. One wanted to spend more time with his boys playing ball than house. The other wanted to spend more time with his boy getting drunk than he did wanted to lie in bed with his wife. And getting a call at 3 a.m. after last call almost every other night for a ride isn’t going to make a relationship work.
Relationships take work. They’re not always 50/50. That’s usually what happens during divorce proceedings. Some days one partner does more. Some days it’s the other. It’s like Aniston told Vince Vaughn in The Break-Up, you got to want to do dishes. Yes, no one wants to do dishes. But someone does it. Someone does the laundry and folds the towels the “right way.” Someone brings home food when you’ve both had a long day. Someone helps you out when your sick. Someone makes sure on a cold, winter night the bed covers are fully on you. I have a friend who was with her husband for almost 30 years and said her husband never did that. She got a divorce not soon after and found another man to be with now.
As I told someone last month, relationships are the same as sex. The saying is that you’re not just having sex with one person, but every person they’ve been with. Well, it’s kinda like that. People are judging you already based on their previous partners. Yes, it sucks. And usually, a lot of women and men have been screwed over so badly, they’re not willing to let themselves wipe the slate clean.
That’s why a lot of women will say, “I have a boyfriend!” even if they don’t whenever some guy starts talking to them. Most sexual predators are people the victims know so they can’t let their guards down ever. It sucks. It’s even worse if you don’t find the GQ/Ambercrombie & Fitch style of a man. You’re already being pre-judged as a scumbag.
I’m a big guy with a beard and long hair. I’m not violent. I’m not a creep. I shower and wash my clothes. I have good hygiene. Yet, there are still people who say I’m gross or icky. It’s been that way ever since I was a kid. And most of the young women I went to school with made the Mean Girls looks like nuns. I’d say they acted like they’re shit didn’t stink, but I’m almost certain they made sure they’d never have to do that bodily function.
It’s another reason I didn’t date much. I wasn’t anyone’s type. And that’s ok. They weren’t really mine. The best part about finding someone you’re going to like is when you can love their imperfections. When they do things that get on your nerves but you like it deep down, that’s when you know you have the right one.
What do you think? Please comment.
Zane Says 